Let’s Play Battletoads! 
The game everyone was waiting for and requesting. Fortunately this “sort of” let’s play is done so people can’t really ask for it anymore.
I say sort of because this was a complete clusterfuck, though it was one which I had anticipated, so I decided to bring in my buddy Matt who had never played it so that I could get a completely genuine first time reaction. I also brought him in to help keep me sane while I attempted to play it.
Let’s Play Battletoads:
If you grew up under a rock… no never mind even you would know this; Battletoads is stupid difficult. I mean really, really, really, “What kind of sadistic developers designed this and what were they thinking” difficult.
On a good day, I can get to the third level; that’s the kind of difficulty we’re talking about here. I would have liked to have seen Jimmy or Lucas from the Wizard give this game a try, although the producers wouldn’t have been able to keep their PG rating due to all of the child-delivered f-bombs.
I can just imagine how the pitch meeting for this game at Tradewest or whomever the developer was. The writing partners went into the president’s office and said “Sir, we’ve got this exciting new idea for a game which I think kids will absolutely love and could make our company huge… you know how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are so popular right now? Well we were thinking about doing basically the exact same thing but with toads… we could call it Battletoads… what do you think?”
The president was silent the whole time, looking out the window of his office with a blank stare on his face. Something was bubbling under the surface. The two writers look at each other nervously after a long silence, afraid they’ve said something wrong.
Finally, the president slowly turns his chair around to face them. “Gentlemen, I think it’s brilliant; I’m greenlighting the project immediately!
The writers suddenly exhale with contented and relieved smiles on their faces. The president continues. “… I just have one request…”
“Yes sir, anything.” One of the writers quickly says, still overwhelmed with relief and excitement at the possibilities of the game.
The president’s eyes narrow. “Gentlemen, I want this to be the most difficult video game ever made… I want every child who plays it to rue the day they ever heard the name, ‘Battletoads’. I want them to scream it out loud years from now as it wakes it from their Goddamn Battletoad themed nightmares. Gentlemen, I want Battletoads to crush their souls… Oh! And make it two player so that we have the option of crushing an extra soul with each copy sold.
“But sir… that’s… that’s monstrous!” One of them blurts out, forgetting himself.
“Why… why would you want that?” The other writer begs.
After a long pause, the president stares off into the distance, his face turning flushed red in pent up rage. “A kid gave me a dirty look on the way to work this morning…”
So anyway, that’s how that went. Fun game though.